Procrastination: why does it happen and how can I stop it?

If there’s one topic that generates a lot of curiosity, it’s procrastination. Everyone who puts off tasks wants to know why they procrastinate, and how to avoid this behavior. So, how can you overcome procrastination?

It feels terrible to feel guilty for procrastinating, wanting to change, and not being able to. Procrastinators search for courses, books, videos, and lectures to understand the possible causes of this problem, but often without success. Most of these materials focus on external factors, paying little attention to people’s unique experiences.

Many people condemn the act of procrastination and even condemn those who procrastinate, without knowing what lies behind it. It’s easy to point fingers and argue that procrastinating is bad, but that doesn’t show how to overcome procrastination.

What is procrastination?

Procrastination is actually something very necessary. We don’t act this way out of laziness or unwillingness. For your body and mind, it is a form of survival. Procrastination is a way to protect yourself, and there are two factors associated with the act of procrastinating.

In this sense, we can think not only about how to overcome procrastination, but also about making peace with it. The idea is to perceive it as a tool, to use when we need it and keep it aside at other times.

Now let’s talk about the factors. First, we have the reasons that lead a person to procrastinate. Everyone has their own reasons for this. Maybe you don’t know the exact reasons consciously, but your mind is perfectly clear about them.

Secondly, we also need to understand what we are procrastinating on. Are we procrastinating on things that are truly necessary and useful to us? Or are they just obligations and tasks that don’t serve a real purpose for what we are seeking?

Indeed, there are many things that don’t deserve our time and attention, and the best thing for ourselves is to procrastinate. In fact, we can call it something else: Refusing! Even if we don’t always have the courage to consciously say no to something, our body finds a way to avoid completing that task by using procrastination.

This happens because the pain of saying “no” is immediate, often associated with the fear of judgment. On the other hand, the pain of procrastination is fragmented and without anyone around.

To understand how to overcome procrastination, we must first question the reasons that lead someone to procrastinate.

The answer is the same for all five character structures: to avoid something very bad for us, something that would cause great pain.

Procrastination and the character structures

Our body and mind develop through a process of 5 stages called the myelination of the nervous system. This process happens during our early childhood, from gestation to the age of five. In each stage, our nervous system records a significant existential pain based on the experiences we have with the environment around us.

The intensity of each pain determines how much of each character structure we will have in our body and mind. The five major existential pains are: rejection, abandonment, manipulation, humiliation, and betrayal.

Therefore, the nervous system shapes our body and mind with incredible resources to avoid feeling this pain. In other words, the formation of character structures and the development of our body and mind’s resources are ways in which the nervous system prepares us for the world it perceives around us.

How to stop procrastination

Our behaviors and decisions, consciously or unconsciously, have a common purpose. They seek to take us as far away as possible from the five pains, especially the ones that bring us the most insecurity. Procrastination, therefore, is one of these patterns.

Notice: When you’re thinking of postponing something, you may feel a lack of enthusiasm or discomfort, a desire to distance yourself from it, or maybe a tightness in your chest, anguish, desperation, a feeling of being trapped…

In summary, your nervous system sends you a clear signal that doing that task will bring you closer to your existential pains. So, you should stay away from it, right?

Having clarity about what you’re trying to avoid is the first step to better understand which pain you’re feeling and how to overcome procrastination.

This clarity shows us what causes each character structure to procrastinate!

The structures are called schizoid, oral, psychopathic, masochist, and rigid. As always, we remind you that it’s important to consider them within the context of our methodology, without associating them with diseases, disorders, or negative views.

 

Schizoid Character Structure

The schizoid character structure carries the existential pain of rejection. They are terrified of being rejected because their gestation was difficult. They felt that way in their mother’s womb, even if it wasn’t her intention.

Due to the fear of rejection, they avoid exposing themselves and having relationships with others, reducing the chances of feeling that pain again. Schizoids prefer to stay in their own space and have less contact with the “real world.”

If you have this fear of being rejected and need to do something that will expose you, like recording a video, speaking in public, or giving a seminar, for example, how will you feel?

Uncomfortable, perhaps? And what if you are rejected again? What if people don’t want to listen to you or think your idea is ridiculous? Imagine how terrible it must be to go through all that and feel, once again, the pain of being rejected, along with the sensation of losing money because of it.

Because of this, procrastinating anything that could expose them in any way to rejection is a matter of survival. It’s important, therefore, to avoid criticizing and pointing fingers at people with these characteristics, calling them lazy or anything like that – which would only reinforce this pain.

Instead, embrace the incredible resources they have, such as creativity and simplicity in explaining things. Focusing on these abilities is a way to guide them forward.

Oral Character Structure

On the other hand, the oral character structure feels the opposite. They can’t stand being alone because their existential pain is abandonment. Orals are terrified of being abandoned and left alone. They have a strong emotional dependency.

During the breastfeeding phase, they felt this way when something bad happened. Orals would cry for help, and even with the best intentions, their mother sometimes couldn’t arrive in time or meet all their needs. This caused their nervous system to register the pain of abandonment.

Orals are emotional and need contact with other people. Everything they feel, whether good or bad, is very intense.

That’s why they will avoid anything that triggers negative feelings or sensations because they will be intensified and feel even worse. Especially anything that can separate them from something or someone important. Dealing with separation, a breakup, or the end of a relationship is extremely painful for them as it brings back the horrible sensation of abandoning or being abandoned.

How to deal with this pain?

For an oral, not feeling alone or abandoned is a matter of survival. They prefer to be in a comfortable situation where they feel good and connected, whether it’s to places, people, or anything else that’s important to them.

Now, imagine how it feels to make a decision that distances you from something or someone, or to act knowing it will cause that separation. Having to deal with a problem alone, without being able to ask anyone for help, is very difficult, uncomfortable, and desperate.

That’s why orals procrastinate on some activities. Others may call them weak, lazy, or overly sensitive, using negative words that only increase their sense of impotence. Instead of saying such things, provide support, give them a hug, and listen to their frustrations.

Show them that you care!

Often, just by crying, venting, and feeling that someone nearby cares, the pain goes away, helping them feel that they are not alone or abandoned. With that, the oral can activate their resources and do what they have to do.

Instead of forcing themselves to work alone, emphasize their incredible resources of communication and connection with people. Working as a team is a great tool that often works well for orals.

Psychopathic Character Structure

For the Psychopathic character structure, the existential pain is manipulation. Psychopathics are terrified of feeling manipulated or used. When they had their first interactions with the world, they understood that people would love them only if they did something that they wanted or when they were useful in some way.

Psychopathics are highly observant, strategic, and suspicious.

They distrust people’s intentions and see the world as a space of exchanges. Since they are good at negotiating, they seek to come out on top in every interaction and maintain a position of power in relationships. That’s why many psychopathics strive for influential, decision-making, or leadership positions, so they can dictate the rules and be in control.

Being in a position of obedience, feeling indebted, or dealing with an exchange where they come out losing or at least unsure of what they will gain usually raises suspicion for them, as it carries the risk of feeling the pain of manipulation again.

Because of this, they will avoid putting themselves in or maintaining such situations. Imagine living with the pain of being used or manipulated. Even if they don’t want to feel that way, it’s almost automatic for them to look at each person with suspicion, trying to read their intentions.

Each situation is like a scale, where psychopathics try to understand what they are receiving and what they will have to offer in return to balance things.

How does this lead to procrastination?

The reason why psychopaths tend to procrastinate is when the potential exchange is no longer clear. They realize that they won’t gain anything in return for what is being proposed, or they are looking for alternatives to give or gain something in return.

Instead of accusing them of being self-interested, selfish, or cold, how about being straightforward with them when fulfilling agreed-upon commitments? How about understanding their perspective and asking what they need in return? In short, strive to have a relationship based on objective clarity.

Psychopaths are not bad people. They have incredible resources and will use them to find the best agreement for everyone. Be loyal to your commitments, and they will be happy to help.

Masochist Character Structure

People with the masochist character structure have an existential pain characterized as humiliation. They fear being humiliated, judged, or criticized. Throughout life, masochists strive to hold on and exert maximum control to avoid situations where they might feel humiliated and criticized again.

For them, it is very important to seek what is safe and predictable because it is more secure and avoids mistakes and criticism. That’s why Masochists are more methodical and enjoy processes and routines. Anything that is new, different, or makes them feel insecure can trigger avoidance or a “block.”

It is very rare for a masochist to procrastinate because they are highly committed to execution. However, if a task generates strong insecurity, they won’t be able to take the next step until they solve the insecurity.

Just imagine if a masochist makes a mistake and is criticized or humiliated again; their greatest fear will resurface. They will avoid taking the next step and may even create objections, additional details, and extra steps to avoid dealing with it once more.

Masochists have a hard time saying no

Carrying the burden of others is very unpleasant for masochists. Also, those who fear judgement and humiliation often receive emotional dumping from others. It is because of these reasons and more that they may find it better to come up with an excuse and procrastinate rather than carry the weight of others.

Masochists have great resources: they are loyal, methodical, and seek to achieve results efficiently. To activate these resources, they need to feel secure of the steps they are taking. Think of ways to help them feel that security and don’t burden them unnecessarily!

Rigid Character Structure

The rigid character structure has its core wound characterized as betrayal, exchange, or exclusion. Rigid people are terrified of being compared to and replaced by a better option, or being betrayed, deceived, or left out…

They felt exactly this way when they wanted to form a bond with their father (in the case of girls) or mother (in the case of boys). They formed a love triangle where they were the weakest point and ended up losing.

To never be replaced by another option and feel that pain again, rigids developed an attractive body with harmonious forms and a quick, competitive, and perfectionistic mind.

They believe that if they are perfect, they will be the best available option and won’t be replaced. If they are in control, they will have the power of choice. Therefore, any situation that makes the rigid person feel like they might lose the competition or be betrayed, deceived, or lose control will trigger a state of alertness.

In such situations, they prefer not to do anything at all. For the rigid person, it’s better not to enter the competition than to enter and lose because a defeat will make them feel weak, imperfect, insufficient, and easily replaceable.

Rigids like to “play the game they can win” – situations they can control or win. If they realize they can’t, they prefer to abandon the game. Of course, they don’t always openly communicate this, especially when they are afraid of seeming weak or incapable.

In such cases, they find it better to take a step back and pretend disinterest, and that’s when procrastination happens. Deep down, they are afraid of admitting that they can’t do it or that they are trying to avoid appearing inadequate.

Maintaining that image of perfection weighs heavily and hurts them

Rigids always have a backup plan available. So, if they find themselves in a competition and start doubting their chances of winning, they already have a plan B. Having this second option makes them feel more secure, allowing them to divide themselves so they don’t have to fully commit, as that went wrong in the triangular relationship with their parents.

When one option is clearly more advantageous than the other, the decision becomes simpler. However, when both options seem equally good and equally bad, this person struggles to decide which one is better or worse. Fearing making the wrong decision, they keep postponing it until that possibility no longer exists.

It’s common to think that rigids are confused and indecisive, but it’s not easy for them to constantly deal with the fear of being imperfect or replaced again, relying on a single option or ending up with nothing.

Perhaps you’re being too demanding with a rigid person, always pointing out their imperfections instead of reinforcing and praising the good things they do!

Understanding yourself

These are some characteristics that lead the five character structures to procrastinate on an idea or action. When you identify with any of these structures, remember that procrastination is a survival mechanism of our mind.

Furthermore, try to truly understand which character structures are strongest in you by receiving a free discovery session. This way, you can confront your fears and utilize your superpowers more effectively.

It’s not possible to overcome procrastination through willpower alone. These fears will exert a stronger force because they are rooted in parts of the brain that act before we make a rational decision.

The alternative is to create strategies to accomplish our tasks and goals while avoiding existential fears, by reframing the situations so that they are not present!

Procrastination: A symptom of something much more serious

We have just seen that thinking about how to overcome procrastination may not be the best idea. It is extremely important to understand that not everything you procrastinate on is necessary in your life. In other words, you are probably feeling bad or guilty for procrastinating on something you shouldn’t even worry about.

Imagine that you have installed an alarm in your house, and one night, the alarm goes off. You wake up startled, turn off the alarm, and go back to sleep. Five minutes later, it goes off again, and you go and turn it off once more. This repeats many times…

The point is: as long as you don’t resolve the cause behind the alarm triggers, it will keep going off. Thinking about how to overcome procrastination is like continuously turning off alarms without addressing the underlying causes.

Procrastination is a survival mechanism that the mind has developed to avoid reliving a great pain. It is the alarm, and if you are procrastinating on something, it is because there is a cause sustaining that behavior.

There are two major causes that lead to procrastination:

1º Difficulty to say no

Do you procrastinate on things that are truly necessary and beneficial for your life? Or are they just obligations and tasks that don’t really contribute to your goals?

These are questions to ask yourself.

There are many unimportant things that can bring you face-to-face with the basic pains of your character structure.

When someone asks you to do one of these things, you end up in a dilemma: saying yes and committing to something that you already know won’t be good for you, or saying no and reliving the pains of your structures in that relationship with the other person.

Perhaps you have the perception that saying no could create conflicts, discomfort, and make you “lose points” with people.

Saying no can ad others to.

Reject: Schizoid character structure.

Abandon: Oral character structure.

Manipulate: Psychopathic character structure.

Judge or criticize: Masochist character structure.

Compare or betray: Rigid character structure.

Being in this dilemma is a situation that generates a lot of insecurity. In either option chosen, you will end up losing. The sense of loss can be greater or lesser depending on the situation and the specific person.